It does not matter how far you ride, how fast you ride, or how nice your bike is. If you want your fellow riders to be impressed with your riding prowess there is only one arena to show your skills – the car park.
While everyone is searching their cars for missing riding shoes or bouncing around pretending they know how their suspension works, unleash one of these 16 essentially useless car park skills to claim your rightful title of ‘King of the car park’.
The Wheelie
The Wheelie is one of those skills that takes 3 minutes to learn as a kid or at least 16 years once you pass 30 years old. On an eMTB it’s even tougher as the motor kicks in and gives you an unexpected shove. Certainly one of the most difficult skills to master but without a doubt one of the most useful. Once you have a mortgage and kids it can be hard to tell your partner that you are off to practice wheelies for the next three hours, but when you pop a long one in front of your mates, all the arguments will have been worth it.
The Manual
Once you have a wheelie dialled, the next step is the manual. If you can smoothly manual more than 10 meters, you are officially king of the car park. There are some great coaching tips on manual technique online so start researching, avoid pulling the bars to your chest, instead hold your arms straight and push with your feet and hips, pivoting the bike and you drop first low then back. Your first manuals will be small, but persevere and from those small acorns a mighty oak will grow.
Track stand
This is actually a very useful skill, roll to a stop by your friends and then….balance. It does take a lot of practice to perfect, but a good track stand is an essential tool in your skill bag. The world record for the longest track stand is 132 years, impressive. To perfect the track stand start with the front wheel turned slightly up a slight incline and brace with the pedals, if the bike starts to fall into the hill a small push on the pedals will lift the bike, if it falls away let the bike roll back a little. It is frustrating at the start but the learning curve is very fast.
The Hanny-B
Skids are juvenile, immature and we do not condone them at all. But if you do find yourself wanting to do a skid you simply must reach down and grab the imaginary hand brake, give it a firm pull upwards to lock the back wheel and unleash a quality Hanny-B like a 17 year old in a souped up hatchback (you do have to use the back brake a little but shhhhh don’t tell anyone).
The Stoppie
The stoppie is a good skill to master, once you have it dialled you will never simply roll into a trail again. Start off from a low speed and pull the front brake, the back of the bike will start to lift, if it feels that it’s going to far you can release the front brake to drop the rear. Once you have a stoppie dialled, you can try a rolling stoppie, feathering the brake to keep the rear wheel in the air as you roll in total control. A little pop and lift of the rear suspension can help get things going.
The Nolegger
This is an ‘old skool’ trick that never went out of fashion. Like a fine wine the No Legger gets better with age. Charge at your mates like a rider chased by the devil himself, before hitting the front brake for a sweet endo, and kick your legs out wide and proud. If you get this right everyone will instantly start trying to replicate your awesomeness, get it wrong and you will be off to the dentist for new front teeth.
The Randy Horse
This is an easy trick, but it needs confidence and some good old fashioned effort. The Randy Horse is just a manual gone wrong, hoist up the front wheel to your chest and feed in some horsepower to the core and stand up stock straight. The taller and more majestic your horse the greater the impact. “Hi-Ho-Silver”.
Tokyo Driftin
Sliding around is not cool on the trail, but in a car park it can be riotous fun. The trick to a successful cutty is NOT to use the back brake. Cutties take some practice, you have to get loose and throw the back end around so this is not for shrinking violets. To do a good cutty, steer into a turn but just when the back wheel is loading up transfer some weight to the bar and really throw the back out with your hips and feet, schraaaaalp! You are king!
Officer on deck
This is the most advanced car park trick and only for true trick monkeys. Get this wrong and you will suffer pedals to the shins and a tyre to the crown-jewels. Wait until you friends are all ready to ride and wondering where you are, then roll into the car park yelling “Officer on deck” while giving a full military salute. For maximum effect cruise to a standstill and pretend nothing happened. If nobody salutes you, bellow “you can’t handle the truth” and ride home, you will be a living legend.
The Burnout
The power of eMTB’s release a skill that has previously only be attainable to the automotive world, the intoxicating world of burnouts. It has been scientifically proven that if you warm up your tyres up before descending you will be 0.0% faster. To do a burnout, pop your bike in Turbo mode, slam your weight over the front, grab a handful of front brake and give it beans on the pedals. For maximum effect make some loud “Brapp Brapp Braaaaaaap” noises like a VTEC honda taking it to 8750 rpm. Just don’t let go of the brake or you will promptly ride in to the side of someones van.
The Superman
The Superman is legendary, easy to muck-up, ridiculously hard to master. It sounds so simple, at rolling speed jump up from the pedals and click your heels together behind the bike in a stretched out Superman position, but it takes superhuman confidence to fully extend then get back to the pedals again. Our test rider held this position for 20 seconds, can you beat that?
The Froome
The Froome is guaranteed to save you minutes on your STRAVA times. As soon as you reach 25 kph reach down and grab your fork crowns for maximum aero slippery, and marvel as your speeds slip easily over 100 kph. The Froome is the ultimate trick if you find a roadie on a steep hill, just creep on past in this position and the roadie will be crushed by your physical prowess. Please don’t actually ride a trail like this, you will certainly die.
The Youtube Coached
We have all had all seen the endless videos on YouTube about how to corner, ‘drop the outside foot’, ‘steer with your belly button’, ‘throw your hips out’, ‘lean the bike in’. Well, take all the coaching gold and turn it up to 11! See how wild and low you can get your turns. Channel your inner low-rider and push that bar into the ground. This is the perfect way to pull all the side knobs off your tyres.
The Cross-Legger
This feels horrible and is actually super hard to do. The Cross-Legger is simple in principle but needs mastery. At rolling speed you need to jump into the air and cross your legs over the bar, landing on the pedals. Get it wrong and shin-pain-city awaits. You will either look like a boss and confuse all your friends as to what’s going on below your calm upper body, or end up rolling around on the floor in full ‘Neymar’ mode clutching your bleeding shins.
The Titanic
Nothing makes an entrance into a car-park more dramatic than ‘The Titanic’. Get up to cruising speed before sliding up to the bar and hanging on with your thighs. Extend your arms in full Kate Winslet style and belt out a few bars of “Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that the heart does go on”. For maximum effect, ride up to your mates in The Titanic position, dismount and take up a position lying prone on the floor, whisper seductively “Draw me like one of your French girls”. You will never have to buy a beer again.
The Plank
This trick is harder than it looks, you have to use the core strength of a belly dancer to hold your knees together on the saddle, while having the power of Dolph Lundgren in Rocky IV to brace yourself on the bar. Once in the plank you can embrace maximum aerodynamic gains, and will soon develop abs of steel, or a hernia.
Disclaimer: These tricks should only be practiced by certified idiots, we accept no responsibility for any injury that occurs from such foolishness. Be safe kids.
This article is from E-MOUNTAINBIKE issue #014
E-MOUNTAINBIKE Magazine is published in a digital app format in both English and German. Download the app for iOS or Android to read all articles on your tablet or smartphone. 100% free!
Did you enjoy this article? If so, we would be stoked if you decide to support us with a monthly contribution. By becoming a supporter of E-MOUNTAINBIKE, you will help secure a sustainable future for high-quality cycling journalism. Click here to learn more.
Words & Photos:
